How Children of Alcoholics Can Help Their Parents
Being a child of an alcoholic isn’t easy. While you want to hold on to the idea of what your parent might have been like before they started drinking, facing reality is much harder. While it is not your responsibility to make sure your parent gets sober, you can help encourage them to seek that for themselves. For children of alcoholics, it might seem like walking a tightrope between enabling them and setting healthy boundaries. Understanding what alcoholism is and what it does will help guide you to make the right choice for you and your family, and learn invaluable strategies for how families can support loved ones after addiction treatment.
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Understanding the Impact of Alcoholism on Families
There are always two sides when it comes to any addiction, and alcoholism isn’t an exception. While there are many ways alcohol affects the user’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being, it also affects the family of the alcoholic, especially a child’s cognitive, emotional, and physical well-being. While we know that alcohol affects the brain in negative ways, the impact of that can leak out and cause a ripple effect within a family. When an alcoholic starts drinking, they may be happy for a while, making their child or children also feel happy or seen. But as time goes on and they continue to drink, they may become mean or even violent, making the child or children confused and even fearful toward their parent. This daily up-and-down rollercoaster significantly impacts a child’s developing brain.
While the alcoholic parent might not be aware of what is happening emotionally to their child or children, others outside of the house will notice. The mental, emotional, and physical well-being of children of alcoholics, no matter what age, can show signs of struggle in one way or another, such as lashing out at others because that’s what they see their parents do, falling asleep in school because they had to stay up and take care of their parents, or even trying to hide physical evidence of their parents’ abuse. This cycle of emotional, mental, and physical turmoil will continue until either the parent seeks help and gets sober or until the child or children can leave the house. But the scars of childhood trauma will stay with them forever. Children of alcoholics are four times more likely to turn to drugs and alcohol as adults; while that number is decreasing yearly, there is still the potential to repeat generational alcohol abuse. Luckily, there are resources for family members with addicted loved ones that can help.
Recognizing the Signs of Alcoholism
While some alcoholics are very good at hiding their alcohol addiction, there are some obvious signs of alcohol abuse:
- Neglecting responsibilities: This could take many different forms, but common examples are neglecting family, friends, school, and work.
- Drinking to relax: If someone feels like they can’t relax without drinking, even if it’s just a “small glass of wine,” they are still depending on alcohol to fix a problem that might not even be there. This is an unhealthy coping mechanism to not think about other issues going on in their life.
- Increased anxiety and depression: Some use alcohol as a self-medicating to deal with their anxiety and depression, not realizing that it is doing the opposite to their brain, making the anxiety and depression worse. There is ample evidence of the serious risks of self-medicating with drugs and alcohol.
- Relationship problems: Experiencing mood swings is also a sign of alcohol abuse, and this, in turn, affects relationships with friends, family, and even co-workers.
Ways Children Can Support Their Alcoholic Parents
It is not the child’s responsibility to take responsibility for their alcoholic parent’s actions; setting healthy and achievable boundaries can help lead to healthier relationships. Communicating directly what you will and will not tolerate while your parent is under the influence might work for some, but if your parent gets aggressive while intoxicated, finding another way to communicate would be best. If you can have a safe and honest discussion with your parent, setting your boundaries, your own emotional needs, and what you would do if you ever feel unsafe at home. If your parent admits that they would like help, offer to find them a support group that you two can go to together. While making sure your parent gets and stays sober is not your responsibility, if you feel that you still have a healthy enough relationship with them, offering to take them to therapy, a support group, or even a recovery center would show them that you are on their team.
The Role of Professional Treatment
Seeking professional treatment and help for alcoholism no longer has the stigma it once had. Seeking out professional help for any mental disorder is now seen as a sign of strength. It is important to have a team behind you when you are going through alcohol recovery; not only will it make the hard days less lonely, but studies show that those who have friends and family help and support while going through recovery are less likely to go through relapses. Professional help might also mean family therapy in addiction treatment, which will help mend relationships that were strained while a parent was intoxicated and amid their alcoholism. Find a treatment program that answers all your questions; while you might have more questions later on, they should be willing to answer them anytime. If you take a tour of a facility, make sure that you and your parent feel comfortable; getting sober and starting the recovery process shouldn’t feel like a punishment but a clean slate. Recovery programs are there to help and be part of your family’s success story, and that’s especially true for children of alcoholics.
Supporting a Parent in Alcohol Addiction Treatment
There are many ways that participating in family therapy can be beneficial for the family and children of alcoholics as a whole while a parent is in the recovery process. Not only does it come with a safe space to talk your truth, but it can help start some conversations that may be difficult to manage without the help of a professional. If you’re wondering about the importance of family therapy in addiction treatment, here are some other ways that it can help during the recovery process:
- Understanding and education: We aren’t all born with the knowledge of what addiction is and what it does. Therapy and family support programs can help educate both sides — the person with addiction and their family — on the hows and whys of addiction.
- Reduce the feeling of being alone: Addiction in any form can feel isolating for the person and their family. It’s not uncommon for everyone to feel like they are on different deserted islands, when the reality is they are all on the same island — but in different areas. Therapy can help people find their way back to each other.
- Building trust: How do you gain trust back after it’s been broken one too many times? With therapy, professionals can give you the tools to help mend that trust.
Addiction Treatment that
Just Works
Individualized treatment programs delivered in a comfortable, relaxed setting promote healing in your recovery journey.
Taking Care of Yourself
When children of alcoholics are faced with trying to take care of a parent, their emotional strain is higher than most. It is important to know your own boundaries and when to say no because it is important to ensure that you stay healthy and that your mental health is just as important, if not more important, to those in your life. Going to therapy and talking through your challenges will help, as well as finding a support group with other children of alcoholics. Finding that support will not only remind you that you are not alone in this battle — many others are also children of alcoholics — but it will give others in your situation the same strength to keep going.
How Resurgence Behavioral Health Can Help
At Resurgence Behavioral Health, our highly trained medical staff take a more holistic approach to addiction treatment, not only treating the addiction but taking into account your physical, emotional, cognitive, and spiritual needs. Our team is made up of medical professionals, certified addiction specialists, and licensed therapists, many of who have struggled with alcohol addiction themselves and now flourish in a sober life. At Resurgence Behavioral Health, all treatment programs, including inpatient addiction treatment, are customized and geared toward your sustained recovery. Our facility feels more like a home away from home, aiming for a harmonious environment. While at Resurgence Behavioral Health, you can focus on yourself and sobriety. If you are ready to take the next step into sober living, call Resurgence Behavioral Health at 855-458-0050 or contact us online.
