How Do You Support a Family Member Struggling with Alcohol Addiction?

What Are the Signs That a Family Member May Be Struggling with Alcohol Addiction?

If you’re in the position of figuring out how to help an alcoholic family member, you might jump ahead to thinking about things like which rehab program might be best for them, or if you need to help someone detox off alcohol. Instead, you should first look for the red flags of behaviors and patterns that do indeed indicate that they could be struggling with alcohol addiction in the first place.

There are many possible signs that someone is struggling with drinking, including: 

• They are regularly drinking more than they originally intended.
• Inability to cut back on how much they drink.
• Spending an increasing amount of time either trying to get alcohol, drinking, or recovering from hangovers and other effects of drinking.
• Getting into trouble for their drinking, such as problems at school or work, or legal problems.
• Relationship problems due to their drinking.
• Frequently miss important activities and events because of their drinking.

There are clinical definitions that guide the diagnosis of an actual alcohol use disorder, more commonly referred to in the broader culture as alcohol addiction. Several things can increase the risk of someone developing alcohol use disorder, especially drinking at an early age (in their teenage years). Genetics and family history can also increase the risk, as can mental health struggles or a past history of trauma.

Symptoms of alcohol use disorder include several things in the past year, including:

• Drinking more or longer than intended.
• Wanted to cut back or stop drinking, but wasn’t able to do it.
• Spent much of their time drinking or being sick from their drinking.
• They thought about drinking so much that they couldn’t think of anything else.
• Drinking often interfered with their responsibilities at home, work, or school.
• Stopped doing things that used to be enjoyable or pleasurable to them.
• Frequently getting into dangerous situations, such as driving after drinking, using machinery, or unsafe sexual behaviors.
• Kept drinking even though they knew it was making them depressed or anxious, or that it was contributing to another health problem.
• Suffered from an alcohol blackout.
• Having to drink more than usual to feel the same effects.
• Starting to feel withdrawal symptoms, such as insomnia, shakiness, racing heart, nausea, sweating, feeling low, or having a seizure, as alcohol wore off.

How Can I Talk to My Loved One About Their Alcohol Use?

Now that you know the warning signs to look for, you need to take it to the next step of how to help an alcoholic family member—it’s time to plan how you can talk with them about this problem. One crucial first step is to prepare for this potentially life-saving conversation. Take time to think through your own feelings and thoughts, practicing what you’ll say to them and how you might steer the conversation as they answer and weigh in with their own thoughts and beliefs.

Here are some other conversation tips that can help:

• Keep things brief—your focus should be on helping them change one thing that could help your family member.
• Pick a good time and place for this talk. It’s important that you both feel calm and are not intoxicated during this conversation. Additionally, you’ll want to choose a spot where you have privacy and can have the talk without interruption.
• Use positive language, rather than judgmental feelings or statements. You could suggest they try not to drink a few nights each week, for example, rather than just telling them you don’t want them to drink every night.
• Focus on the benefits of making a change, such as getting more time with family and friends, or being able to do former favorite things once again.
• Remind them that quitting drinking is possible and that help is available. They don’t need to do this alone.
• List your reasons why you’re concerned based on your own observations, such as telling them you’ve noticed they’re missing work, or they’re not spending as much time with their children anymore.
• Be supportive and understanding. Remind them that you know it’s hard for them, and ask how you can support them.
• Keep the conversation open, and let them talk as much as or more than you talk.
• Work with your family member to create a list of goals or steps, and plan to talk again shortly.

What Should I Avoid Saying to Someone With Alcohol Addiction?

Just as important as what you say during this vital conversation is what you shouldn’t know, and you should take time to prepare your comments so you don’t ultimately push your loved one away with judgmental statements or anger.

One easy step is to choose the language you want to use carefully. Some terms can be taken as offensive or stigmatizing, such as labeling a person an alcoholic, addict, or junkie. Instead, use people-first language, such as a person with alcohol addiction or alcohol use disorder, to emphasize that this is a disease this person has, not their defining characteristic.

You also shouldn’t blame the person or make rash accusations—you won’t get someone to go to rehab or get the help they need if you start with a list of names or assumptions about why they’re struggling with this disease in the first place.

Another goal of your talk is to be specific whenever possible. Rather than saying you’re worried that drinking is hurting them, tell them about specific moments when their drinking affected them, such as forgetting to pick up their kid from daycare, missing an important family gathering, or losing a job due to absences.

The main piece of advice is to be prepared and carefully rehearse what you want to say, rather than jumping into the conversation and accidentally saying something hurtful due to your own hurt emotions about the problem.

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What Treatment Options Are Available for Alcohol Addiction?

If you’re now considering how to help an alcoholic family member, keep in mind that several treatment options can help people overcome alcohol use disorder. Many people who have been drinking heavily for a long time will first need to undergo medical detox to wean their body off alcohol safely and avoid uncomfortable, distressing, and even life-threatening withdrawal symptoms. Once that’s completed, they’ll next work on the physical and mental aspects of their addiction in an inpatient or outpatient alcohol rehab program that could last for several weeks or even several months.

Even after you support your loved one in rehab, they’ll likely continue to need ongoing support, such as aftercare services, ongoing therapy, and regular checkups with medical and mental health professionals, to help them remain healthy and avoid the temptation to relapse or return to past drinking patterns. It sounds like a long road ahead, and it is—recovery is a lifelong journey—but it’s also possible to achieve, no matter how bad the addiction has taken hold at this point.

Key Takeaways on How to Help an Alcoholic Family Member

• Millions of people struggle with alcohol addiction every year.
• The addiction doesn’t just hurt that person; friends and loved ones can also struggle with the effects of this chronic disease.
• By educating yourself on how to help an alcoholic family member, you can learn how to spot the warning signs of a drinking problem.
• Planning a conversation with them can help you determine what you want to say and how to say it in a productive, supportive manner.
• Just as important, plan what you don’t want to say or make them feel with this vital conversation to ensure it’s a productive talk that helps them.

Alcohol addiction can wreak havoc on family members and loved ones, and it can destroy relationships. The good news is that help is available that can guide your family member back to the road of recovery and help them break the chains of addiction once and for all. Call Resurgence Behavioral Health today at 855-458-0050 to learn how we can help your loved one get the treatment, support, and assistance they need to achieve a better life.

Resources

• MedlinePlus – Helping a Loved One with a Drinking Problem
• National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism – Understanding Alcohol Use Disorder
• Office of Disease Prevention and Health Promotion – Alcohol Use: Conversation Starters